Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
