I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need a beard to bite.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
