This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
