Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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