Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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