I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
