Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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