Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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