I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
4 words: hood of his car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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