how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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