Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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