glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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