walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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