Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
