dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
