It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I party with great urgency now.
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