It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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