I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
