I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
