I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize