i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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