guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
