I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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