Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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