Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
