Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
