I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
