Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
