just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
