Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so let's talk penis.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
