Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
