My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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