My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
