Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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