Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I skipped work to stalk him.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
