oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
