I must be too annoying 4 u.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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