Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
