I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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