if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
