I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
