I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
