Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're too hungover to prance.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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