I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
