Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
