You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
