Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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