So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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