i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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