Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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