shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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