He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
