he was CRYING into my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
