I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
