So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
