My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
